Monday, November 21, 2016

Dear Charlie:

First and foremost, I'd just like to take a moment to thank Cary Elwes for tagging He Who Doesn't Deserve to Be Named with the absolute best nickname in history. 

Mr. Elwes, you might recall, is the gent who played Westley in The Princess Bride. His main adversary was Prince Humperdink, a "coward with a heart full of fear" and "the slimiest weakling ever to crawl the earth" who paid a group of thug assassins to kidnap his lovely never-really-meant-to-be-a-bride and kill her so he could start a war with a neighboring country.

Thus, it was perhaps fitting that thirty years later, it's Sweet Westley who just named the cowardly and foolish president elect... Trumperdink.

It so fits. And his running mate, Pimple, definitely gives off a Count Rugen vibe, what with that torture kink of his. 

Speaking of Trumperdink and his loyalish attack dog, everyone and their (racist, bigoted) grandma heard about the Hamilton kerfuffle this weekend. And everyone was supposed to hear about it. Trumperdink made sure of it. Though I refuse to link to his Twitter feed where he made a mockery of himself and his baby-thin skin yet again.

Why, do you ask? Why make such a big fuss about a tempest in a teapot at a play the average schmuck can't afford to attend and is sold out until 2018, anyway? And that I doubt Count Pimple cared even half a shit about because he doesn't strike me as man who minds being boo-ed, considering how much his own state hates him? 

Elementary, my dear Watson.

Subterfuge. Camouflage. A smoke screen.

It's a distraction from the fact that Trumperdink settled his bullshit university fraud case. The "I don't settle" guy settled yet another case, admitting to committing fraud to keep the case from going any further and having to answer any uncomfortable questions or produce any embarrassing documents.

So he sent his six-fingered wingman to a play about early American politics put on by an amazing and diverse cast and let the real play begin.

But here's the thing: if this wasn't just a "nothing wrong here; look over there!" diversionary tactic, it would actually be pretty important. Trumperdink is, of course, a moron for ever thinking theatre was a "safe place". Never mind that a politician could be so thin-skinned as to let a little crowd-booing destroy their fragile self esteem (please refer back to that "heart full of fear" and "slimiest weakling" commentary earlier).

Theatre has always been the place where humans can battle the gods and win, where a commoner can thumb his nose at a king. Theatre -- and the arts in general -- has always given powerful voice to the powerless.

That's why it's one of the first things would-be tyrants go after. They want to silence detractors, limit freedom of speech, limit the flow of ideas and knowledge to what they want you to know, and nothing else.

So yes, it's a smokescreen to cover up the fraud thing, but it's still pretty damn disturbing. As is the ridiculous "boycott Hamilton" nonsense of people arguing that they should be able to go see a play without being bothered by politics.

What the hell do they think Hamilton is about??

It's just an all-around fuckarow, and I could almost laugh at the ridiculousness if it didn't signal deeper problems. Like how willing everyone is to jump on something so stupid just to not have to face the fact that the president elect just admitted to fraud just to make the case go away before he's sworn in. Or that he still has 74 open cases against him, including sexual harassment. 

Or that he's so financially compromised in every direction that I can't even list/link them all because we may never know all of them because he still won't release his tax records.

Ugh. I just can't.

This is where we are right now, folks. Forget that Hillary Clinton won the popular vote by 1.7 million votes and counting. It's always been long odds for enough electorates to flip to elect her instead of Trumperdink.

All we can do is keep pointing out the utter unsuitability of this giant orange buffoon for anything resembling public service. Point it out to our senators and representatives and party leadership and even our state and local politicians and ask them to stand up for us against him and his parade of hate-mongers. Point it out loudly and often.

I honestly don't know what the procedure would be if we managed to get him ousted due to all his unconstitutional financial conflicts of interest. Would Congress have to accept Clinton by default, since she was the only other real candidate and did win the popular vote? Would they swear in Count Pimple instead, God help us please no?

Would there be some other option? I honestly don't know the constitutional provision for a somewhat elected candidate being proven unfit for office before the swearing in. If anyone knows, please please tell us.

We need some hope.

Friday, November 18, 2016

Dear Charlie:

"Now that Cheeto Voldemort is elected, we have to respect him and give him a chance."

No. No, we don't.

Why do people not remember that the president -- in fact, any elected official -- works for us, not the other way around? He should respect us.

But he doesn't. Why should he? He walked onto the national stage and put on a divisive, fear-mongering, racist, misogynist, bigoted, hate-fueled dog-and-pony show, and it worked. They elected him for it. Why should he respect the sheep he so easily led into his personal holding pen?

Well, I'm not in his holding pen. I didn't vote for him, and he hasn't overthrown the First Amendment quite yet.

The vast majority of his campaign promises were unconstitutional. The vast majority of his plan for the first hundred days is unconstitutional. His vow to "drain the swamp" of lobbyists and the like has led to him picking up staffers so foul the swamp kicked them out.

A vice president who jailed a woman for miscarrying and advocates for parents to be allowed to force conversion therapy on their LGBTQ children. Climate change deniers. An attorney general candidate who was denied federal judgeship for being a racistA blatant and unapologetic anti-Semite and white supremacist who, just to check off all the asshole boxes, is also anti-Muslim and anti-immigration (I refuse to link to any Breitbart article).

Lots of anti-immigration folk on the list, actually. This is not my shocked face.

And I'm not terribly surprised at the climate change deniers, considering the angry orange turnip thinks coal is a clean energy source. Because he's clearly never seen a picture of nineteenth century London.

Oh, and speaking of his complete lack of give-a-fuck for the environment, did I mention his significant monetary interest in the Dakota Access Pipeline? Because he totally has a vested interest in finishing that construction and damn the protests and the clear and present threat to the Native American way of life there and the likely environmental impact of an almost inevitable pipeline leak.

Here's the skinny there: Dakota Access is a subsidiary of Energy Transfer Partners. The CEO of ETP donated $103,000 to Turnip's campaign, which is already beyond questionable, but that's just the first layer of corruption. See, according to financial records, Ol' Turnip has invested between $500,000 and a million dollars in ETP.

And that's not all! He also invested another similar amount in Phillips 66, which... of course... holds a 25% share of a finished Dakota Access Pipeline.

Gee, is it any wonder that one of Troutface's first orders of business will be attempting to lift President Obama's ban on construction of the pipeline pending a more complete investigation of its ramifications? No. It isn't.

This is what we're dealing with, people. He isn't even in office yet, and we're already organizing calling campaigns just to effectively protest all of his shitty policies and appointments to our Congresspeople because there are so many that we might forget some of them otherwise.

As John Oliver says, this is not normal.

So no. Just because he backdoor won an election he had no intention of playing all the way through doesn't mean he gets automatic respect from the people he's fully intending to screw over. If he can pull off even half of his promises -- doubtful, which is the only bright spot on this abyssal trench of bullshit -- we will be decades, generations trying to right the damage.

So no. No unearned respect.

We're also not going to give him a chance. He's already throwing the safety and futures of the vast majority of Americans out the window in favor of pursuing his own monetary interests and bigoted ideologies. We cannot allow him to undo a hundred years of civil liberties progress and environmental protection or succumb to his xenophobic paranoia and hatred.

He went out and bought himself an election. What he is only starting to understand is that he lied and pontificated his way into a public service position, and he now serves us.

And we're gonna by God make him serve us. Whether he likes it or not.

Because that's the job he bought. The dumbass.

Thursday, November 17, 2016

Dear Charlie:

Well, it's been a year since I posted here. The last post was something I felt very keenly -- my 12-year-old niece receiving a dick pic and a carnival of adults and loved ones (myself included) not being able to do a damn thing to stop or even call out the offender -- so I wanted to leave it up for a while to make sure the point carried.

Now, well... let's just say I feel a lot of things very keenly right now.

I'm tempted to delete all prior posts except the last one and start over. You can see that I've cleaned up my sidebar and cut down my profile to the bare minimum. No cutesy stuff. No tongue-in-cheek.

I don't feel very tongue-in-cheek lately. We have some real problems here in the States and around the world, and while I usually use humor and sarcasm to deflect argument and strong emotions so everyone around me has as good a time as possible, I don't think now is the time for silliness.

So, I think this blog will be, at least for now, repurposed. Instead of writing about random stuff happening in my life, I think I'll try to corral some of my thoughts on what's happening in the world and what I/we can do to protect the people who will be most negatively impacted by the ignorance and anger that allowed the current status quo.

Think of this reboot as part journal, part call to action (for me), and part meta on the real world. I doubt anyone will be reading this (except my beloved sister), and those who do probably won't take it seriously. And that's okay. It's for me, not the rest of this country and certainly not the rest of the world. Everyone will have their own strategy to get through.

I just... I'm a writer, okay? I think better in prose. So, I'm going to keep using this blog I've had since 2004, and I guess I won't delete all those prior posts just yet, but I've changed and grown a bit since then. I think we all have.

And I still hope we can all change for the better.

So, while I will indeed watch He Who Shan't Be Named Because His Hands Are Too Tiny crash and burn over and over and over for the next four years, I also want to do what I can to protect those far more vulnerable than I am. People of color. Immigrants. Other women. LGBTQ folk. People of other religions.

I mean, c'mon. This country was supposedly founded on religious freedom, right? Sheesh.

Anyway, once we've done everything we can to ensure our friends and allies are as safe as possible, we can all sit back with a bowl of popcorn and watch Cheeto Voldemort self-destruct in slow motion. It will be glorious.

But not at the expense of people's lives and safety.

Thus, I will be writing plenty of letters and making plenty of phone calls to my representatives. And while I am routinely broke, I will be donating when I can to such groups as the ACLU, Planned Parenthood, the TREVOR Project, etc., and when able, donating in the names of the various bigots Dingleberry Troutface keeps appointing.

They'll get thank you cards. From charities and organizations they hate.

It's win/win, really.

As a great man once said, "I aim to misbehave."

Let it begin.