Thursday, September 24, 2009

Dear Charlie:

Just thought of more Undead Christmas lyrics!


Okay, so "Let It Snow" isn't exactly a Christmas song so much as a seasonal one, but, hey. This is what I get for watching Die Hard and Die Harder one right after the other a few nights back.


Oh, the zombies outside are frightful
But the fortress is delightful
And since it's our brand new home
Let 'em moan
Let 'em moan
Let 'em moan!

Oh, they show no signs of dropping
But their heads will soon be popping
As soon as I switch ammo
Let 'em moan
Let 'em moan
Let 'em moan!

When they're finally blown to bits
How I hate to go out in the gore
But as long as we have some Schlitz
Nobody here will be bored

Oh, the whiners have stopped their crying
But the ghoulies just aren't dying
So since I'm tired to the bone
Let 'em moan
Let 'em moan
Let 'em moan!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

My Dearest Charles:

Hey, just found out Cleis Press moved up the release date for The Sweetest Kiss. My short story "Fair Play" is in there under my pseudonym, so pick it up at your nearest brick-and-mortar or order from the publisher, from Amazon, from Barnes & Noble, or wherever.


In other, who am I kidding. That's totally my news of the day. I went to Pesh's place to make icing for cake class tomorrow night and she met me at the door with her copy that had come in the mail. It was pretty sweet.

Now, if I could just land a kick-ass job....

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Dear Charlie:

Oi. Since I went to bed at around midnight and still wasn't asleep at 4:00, I got up and got busy. I don't even feel tired, which SUUUUUUCKS.

At any rate, I decided to decorate the mini poundcakes I made with my nifty new 9-bin cake pan. I made mini loaves of Italian herb bread (and will probably make some white bread today) last week, but they're all gone now. Heh, gave some away and ate the others. But these little pound cakes turned out cute as hell, so I decorated a few of them to take to the old office today.

Oh -- might have skipped something important. Um, I'm taking a cake decorating class. Yesterday evening was our third class, and we learned how to make clowns. Yeah, I don't do clowns, so I made other little head-like things for them instead. Heh.

Take a look:

Heh, that guy's just got a wicked little grin going. Can you tell I like Halloween, what with the color scheme?

That guy had a hard day at work. Heh.

Not a happy camper. I can't imagine why.

That guy's had tee many martoonis. You can't really see from this angle, but his eyes are little swirlies. Heh. I'm such a dork.

Meh, not too exciting. A little cranky.

And that's me, trying to meditate so I could go to sleep last night. Maybe the one before that is me after the meditation didn't work? Oi.

Anyway, since I finally figured out how to get pictures off my phone without paying for mail service (though I paid for the USB cord, but hey), I figured I'd regale y'all with my kitchen pictures. Kinda before and after, if you will. I'm kinda proud of how it turned out.

Here's a close-up of the godawful wallpaper from before. Can you imagine someone actually PICKING this??

And here is the corner that looks the most different to me:

Here are the main cabinets that changed. Before, they were all a pukey shade of discolored off-white. My only problem with how they look now is...that you can tell how crooked the drawers are. *sigh* I never noticed before. Oi.

Man, all that detailing on the upper cabinets was a pain in the butt, even though it was just white paint. There's a little light thingy in the recessed area behind that curvy faceboard thing, and I had to climb into the sink to get up there and paint around it all all up in the recess.

But I think it looks better. Pesh calls it the "eggs sunny-side-up" kitchen, but hey. I figure it's a nice statement that isn't too crazy, so it should count as saleable. Meh. Whatever.

I'mma run some mini poundcakes to the old office and check to see if Penmac has anything for me. Thinking of calling a few other specialty shops in the area (no, not telling what kind) on the off chance they're hiring.

Then, I gotta mow the front of the lawn. AGAIN. Good Lord, but it's SEPTEMBER! Won't it ever stop growing?? I can't list this place with a grown-over lawn, darn it!

Friday, September 11, 2009

Dear Charlie:

Here's more proof -- said as if any more were needed -- that a dork.

So, at the Dollar Tree the other day with Pesh and Tracie, I picked up a $1 pack of red gel "blood splatter" clings. No, that's not the part that makes me a dork. Wait for it.

I love Halloween. It's never too early to start decorating.

Still not the dorky part. I said wait.

The dorky part is that I've been in all sorts of ault trying to get them arranged just right to make it look like I was beheaded at my front door. Seriously, it's taken all day. I'll look at it out of the corner of my eye and decide to tweak it a little more.

SUCH a good time!

I think I have it just about right. I only wish I had a few red gel droplets to do it up to the nines. I could probably goop it up with some red-tinted Karo syrup (the pig's blood in Carrie), but then I'd have to clean it up later.

Hey. I gotta be practical in my desire to be convincingly slaughtered.

[Edited to add: Also, I've amended my Zombie Plan. Yes, I have one. Okay, more than one. *insert big flashing DORK!! arrow here* Anyway, I now want to gather my merry band of sharpshooters together (Dave is The Sniping Headshot King) and head for a pub. Sure, it didn't go so well for Shaun and his crew, but...hey. At least it was fun. And there'd be beer. What zombie invasion wouldn't be better with beer?

In fact, what ANYTHING wouldn't be better with beer?]

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Dear Charlie:

Danny: Where's Lurch?

Nick: He's in the freezer.

Danny: Did you say "Cool off"?

Nick: No. I didn't say anything, actually.

Danny: Shame.

Nick: There was a bit you missed earlier where I distracted him with the Cuddly Monkey. I said, "Play time's over!" and hit him over the head with the peace lily.

Danny: You're off the fuckin chain!

How did I go this long without reviewing Hot Fuzz?

I saw this flick ages ago and thought it was hilarious. It's not exactly a parody of cop dramas so much as an homage. A send-up, if you will.

That also happens to be funny as hell.

Part of it is that it's a British cop movie. Most of it is because of Simon Pegg and Nick Frost. They're hilarious with each other, as evidenced by the awesome sauce that is Shaun of the Dead.

Sgt. Nicholas Angel is the straight guy. The good cop. No, the Super Cop. Constable Danny Butterman is...not. He's the cop who lives vicariously through American cop movies. You know the ones -- explosions, snappy comebacks, and usually a hot chick. Or two. Kissing each other.

Put them together, throw in a few "accidental" deaths, mix with a hilariously "How to Host a Murder" plot about the annual Best Town award, and half-bake with the heat of all the generated laughs. Sprinkle on a few fascist comments and a running hag joke, and you have a comedy main dish worthy of gracing....

Oh, hell. I seem to have created a metaphor without end. Stopping now.

The point is that, by the end of the flick, I could not stop laughing. Nor could I stop watching. It's smart and funny, but more than that, it's clever. Every running theme is neatly tied up. Every gag is lovingly crafted.

And Sgt. Angel's fantastically worked out theory about totally wrong. Which is priceless because the actual evil plot is, and yet so much simpler and less mystery-novel. *snerk*

At any rate, if you "get" British comedy, you can't miss with this one. It's neither Monty Python nor Guy Ritchie, but it somehow manages to learn from them and make something wholly enjoyable.

And, except for one wanker what gave it a 0/10 rating, most everyone seems to agree. I say we tell that bloke to jog on and have ourselves another pint at the pub to celebrate. Good on ya, chaps, and I look forward to whatever else has buggered off up your sleeves.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Dear Charlie:

I've decided that Twitter is the devil.

Why, you ask? Because I can slop up a teeny-tiny little blurb over there and feel like I'm in touch while my poor, devoted, loyal blog over here sits fallow for half a month. That's why.

Poor Charlie. I didn't mean to abandon you.

Thankfully, I've not been idle these last couple of weeks. I've been writing up a storm, though I'm currently at one of those spots that I've already rewritten three times and still don't have quite right. I've typed-and-trashed this same section twice...and don't like the current version either, so it's gonna be rewritten as soon as I can figure out where I went wrong.

I think I'm too excited about the next section to get this one right. The next section is that first catastrophic meeting with the antagonist, and while not exactly a candy bar scene, I can't wait to write it. Since I decided to action this book up, I've had such a good time coming up with action scenes and making them crucial to character development.

Seriously. I wrote a car chase. Never wrote a car chase before. I think it even works, and who knew such a visual medium would work in literary form??

Anyway, I still don't have the house for sale yet. I need to do some little nitpicky things before calling the realtor -- not the least of which is mowing the other half of the yard -- but since I got to writing hardcore on this story, I kinda lost my drive in that direction. I hate when that happens, and I'm having the devil of a time getting it back.

I blame Twitter. Because I can.

Also having a little more luck on the job front. I found a better-paying position that I've interviewed for, but I've heard from other people who've interviewed there that you have to do like three interviews before being hired...and thus far I haven't even heard back on the first one, so...yikes.

But I just got another call today about another position. It pays a little less (less than my old job, in fact) and is a front office position (which I'd hoped to avoid), but I imagine the benefits will be just as good and I'm not sure how choosy I can afford to be right now. It's not like I can't do front office work. I just don't particularly like it, ya know?

So, we'll see. It's at the fire department, so maybe the excitement factor of all those emergencies will make up for it being a phonehead position. Heheh. You never know. And I'm pretty sure firemen and cops would like cookies and football, right?

So all is basically well. I'm dying to go see my beloved sister's new haircut and color, but at the moment, our schedules aren't lining up. Ha! What schedule!

You'd be surprised. I've been busy.

Oh, and could everyone kinda send some kind thoughts Dave's way? He killed his back at work and was off for a week and can't afford to be off anymore (mentally or fiscally), so he's working in agony right now. Actually, he probably just got off his shift a couple of hours ago (works overnights), but you know what I mean.

Thanks, guys! Now, I gotta go sign me and some friends up for a cake decorating class.