Saturday, October 17, 2009

Dear Charlie:

Literally just got caught with my pants down.

Yes, I just had perhaps one of the dumbest and most ridiculous moments of my life.

As I mentioned in my last post, I've finally listed my house. I didn't expect to be inundated by potential buyers, of course, but I knew there would be last minute calls, and I knew I had to keep the house in good order, just in case. No problem.

Except I didn't expect them on Saturdays. But that's neither here nor there.

See, last night, a transformer popped somewhere in this little corner that Empire Electric seems to forget about. I was still up watching a movie when, at almost the stroke of midnight, the power just...went out. From long experience, I didn't make any assumptions until I looked out my dining room window and assured that everyone to the west of me was, indeed, dark as a cave, while my eastern and northern neighbors still had porch lights and such.

So, I took up my trusty flashlight and checked both the inside and outside breakers, just to be sure, then called the electric company and reported the outage. The lady says, "Have you checked your breakers? No one else in your area has reported an outage."

Because I'm the patient sort, I merely and politely said, "Well, it is after midnight. I imagine no one's noticed it but me."

A moment's silence.

"And yes, I checked my breakers before calling, just in case. Internal breaker and main breaker outside."

She sighed heavily. "All right. I'll send someone out."

Long story short(er), they were out there tinkering around until at least 3:00 AM. Because I'm a light sleeper, I couldn't sleep until they left. They have really bright work lights, and I have windows. But I didn't breathe so much as a word of complaint because I was grateful that they were fixing the problem immediately. I have chicken in the fridge, and I don't want it to go bad.

So I was glad it was Saturday morning and I could sleep in with good conscience.

So when my phone rang at 9:00 AM (and I was still awake after 4:00, when I stopped looking at the clock I'd reset immediately upon the power restoral), I was a little nonplussed but not actually irritated.

"Hi, I'm calling from Remax and I'd like to show your house between 10:30 and 11:00. Would that be okay?"

No problem.

I dragged out of bed, dressed and tidied up (had some dishes to wash from last night, but really, I've not been bad), took out the trash, and sprayed a little Febreeze, just to be sure. Left the house at 10:00 in case they were early (my actual realtor, NOT from Remax, is an early bird that way) and headed for the Colonel's Pancake House.

They were really, really busy. I just wanted to sit down with a little breakfast and read, so I headed on to IHOP. Also incredibly busy. Well, no problem. I stopped in at Hardee's instead, since their drive-thru line was around the block. I wasn't in a hurry and just wanted somewhere to camp until after 11:00.

No problem.

So I read and I gnoshed a Diet Coke instead of a Coke. Oh, I could have dumped it out and got myself a regular Coke, but that would be rude, and, seriously, what am I complaining about? It's caffeine, right?

So I drank the whole thing, mostly because then I could refill with regular Coke and really wake up, and by about quarter after eleven, I was ready to go home, certain that the agent had come and gone and the potential buyer had passed judgment on my housekeeping inabilities.

No problem. Right?

So I got home and looked around for a minute. Put everything down. Had to go to the bathroom.

Hey. Seriously. A big ol' Diet Coke. Sue me.

No sooner had I turned on the CD player and opened my book to where I left off at Hardee's than...the front door opened. No, I am not kidding.

Not quite panicking but quite red in the face, I hurriedly flushed and washed, grabbed up my book and my Coke, and tried to run out the door, only to be caught in the living room by the agent and prospective buyer.

"Oh, are you still here?"

Me, embarrassed at totally being caught in the bathroom, said, "Oh, I've already gone and come back. Sorry, I'll be right out of your hair."

"Oh, sorry, we were late."

No kidding. Holy crap.

I made my escape and ran over to the closest gas station to laugh about the situation with a friendly cashier who works there, dinkered around for a good twenty minutes, then came back just as they were leaving.

Wanna make any bets on whether I'll get an offer? Ha!


At 12:20 PM, Blogger writtenwyrdd said...

It is incredibly rude for a realtor to make an appointment and not show the hell up. Inexcusably rude. I've had it happen and it's just wrong. But they should have knocked when they say your car. They should always knock, even if they expect you to be gone.

The ohter thing is that some owners don't leave. My mother was present when the realtors brough home shoppers; she just went out side with the dog while they looked around.

So their assumption you'd be away was SO wrong.

that said, selling your house is a trial.

At 12:21 PM, Blogger writtenwyrdd said...

my word, look at all my typos!

At 12:54 PM, Blogger GutterBall said...

Heheh, it's all good, WW. I'm still not sure I'm fully awake, so I'm surprised the whole post isn't littered with typos. Oi.

And I totally forgot the part that I was in the tub, naked and reading a book with the flashlight, when the Empire guys showed up to fix the blown transformer last night. Yeah. I think I deliberately put it out of my mind, or wasn't quite as embarrassed by it, as they never tried to actually come inside the house.

However, they did stomp around on my porch at nearly 1:00 in the morning and thump around outside on the main breaker box and remind me that I ought to rightly be clothed in case they actually knocked.


I'm waiting for my clothing to miraculously disappear as Thomas Jane equally miraculously appears on my porch this afternoon. At the rate I'm going, SOMEBODY'S gonna see SOMETHING.

At 3:19 PM, Anonymous Pesh said...

Maybe you should just go streaking through your neighborhood and be done with it.

And don't forget to scream and flail your arms. ^_^

At 4:31 PM, Blogger GutterBall said...

Heh, I think the screaming and flailing will be done by those unfortunate enough to see me streaking. The poor souls.

At 4:49 PM, Anonymous Pesh said...

Try it and find out!

At 5:07 PM, Blogger GutterBall said...


Not a chance in hell. And you know it.

At 6:11 PM, Blogger GutterBall said...

What the hell! Do I have a sign on my back or something?

I just boiled over some pasta and got it all over my shirt, so I went to change it, and while standing only in my bra in the bathroom, someone knocked on the door!

Turns out it was just some kid wanting to sell magazines, but seriously! What am I, on CCTV or something??

At 9:40 PM, Anonymous Pesh said...

Despite my hatred for netspeak: LOL!

At 9:52 PM, Blogger GutterBall said...


Seriously. I'm starting to wonder if I dare take a bath tonight. I'm normally one of those bathe-every-nighters, but dude.

God only knows who'll show up next time I'm naked.


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