Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Furry Sidebar:

No, that's not a typo. I'm all creeped out now.

Just stumbled across a decently-sized furry spider of the wolf spider variety. You all know that of all the terrors of the Earth, I am only afraid of spiders. Nasty, horrible, alien little things. Guh.

Anyway, usually, they're pretty easy to spy because they're on the walls, right? And once I see one, it's dead as quickly and in as laissez-faire a manner as possible. They violated the bargain, after all. You remember the bargain, right? They stay the hell away from me, and I don't murderalize them?

Yeah. That one.

But this one...was on the floor. In the carpet. The carpet is blue -- don't ask; I didn't install it -- but it's a multi-color blue, shading from dark blue down close to the base to almost white at the tips, right? So it's not really a wonder I didn't see this furry-legged, whitish-grey thing squatting a few inches from the French door's jamb.

Man, my foot was probably only like three inches from it for God only knows HOW long before I finally noticed it. I was just talking on the phone to my beloved sister, and happened to look down. And there it was. Crouched and, for all I knew, ready to spring.

Now, I didn't noticeably freak out. I mentioned it to Sis, did the little shuddery thing, and walked away to find the quickest, most efficient form of death I could handle dealing out to this particular species of nasty.

Because, see, of all the spider varieties, I like the wolf spiders least. Oh, I know brown recluses are much more likely to commit a chunk of flesh to necrosis, and damn if they don't move in a creepy, deadly way, but wolf spiders just...creep me out. Worse. I don't know why.

Maybe it's because they're usually big. And furry. And ghastly. And they always seem to be looking at you and...and understanding that you're there. I dunno. They're just evil.

And in the eight years I've been here, I've never seen one inside. So this one really walloped me.

Anyway, I simply grabbed one of the baseball bats and smashed its little daylights out, but now I'm all creeped out. I barely noticed it, after all. What if there are more??

Worse, I went googling for an image to slap up here...and creeped myself out worse just looking at all those godawful pictures of spiders.

Yeah. I'mma have nightmares tonight. No doubt about it.

Little bastages.



At 8:11 AM, Blogger writtenwyrdd said...

I get a bit creeped out when I find one near me, but I take them outside instead of killing them. I remember one time I had a wolf spider in my sink that was, including legs, about three inches across. The body was about the size of my thumbnail. THAT gave me the heebies, let me tell ya! I think I killed it, it was so big I felt like you do all the time about spiders.

At 2:31 PM, Blogger GutterBall said...

Ugh. I'm totally afraid to lay on the floor now. I think I've mentioned that I don't sit still well, and changing position while sitting tends to make me all achy, so every so often, I love to camp out on the floor and stretch out all comfy.

Can't do it. Knowing that, at some point, I was lying all oblivious less than three feet from that godawful monstrosity?


And no, if I just take 'em outside without murderalizing them, they'll just come right back in. They're just that evil. They must be destroyed for the safety of all mankind.

And my sanity.

At 10:39 PM, Anonymous Pesh said...

*snerk* What sanity?

At 10:50 AM, Blogger GutterBall said...

The teeny-tiny shred that's left after everything else. Ha!

How's Lauren?

At 11:07 AM, Anonymous Pesh said...

She's going home today. They thought Olivia was showing signs of jaundice yesterday, so they had her in an incubator when I finally managed to get Edy to visit them. We're going to see them again Saturday, so she can meet her first Brownie. ^_^

At 11:24 AM, Blogger GutterBall said...

Poor kid! At least she'll grow up with a broad world view. *snerk*

Is she like "fit in the palm of your hand" tiny?


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