Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Heart-breaking Update:

I don't cry often or particularly well, but I've been on slow leak most of the afternoon. Why, you ask?

Just found out one of my very good friends at work -- yes, I have several, and I will miss them when I'm gone -- who has been battling cancer for more than the three years I've known him was diagnosed as terminal yesterday.

It breaks my heart. I have long admired the wells of strength he keeps dredging up to fight surgeries and radiation therapies and chemotherapies. He fights because he's a good man. He fights because he loves his wife and kids more than anything in the world. He fights because he can't not fight.

Yes, he'll fight this, and if anyone can beat that terminal diagnosis, it's him. But it still breaks my heart.

This is the guy that I never fear to talk politics with, even though we don't always agree. He's intelligent and capable of remaining rational while debating. I cannot tell you how rare that quality is.

This is the guy I talk football with because he's in as deep a pit of loyalty over my beloved Chiefs as I am. We're so hopeful for this season, now that we have a new GM and head coach.

Oh, damn. There I go again. Gimme a minute.

This is the guy I always make sure to sit by at company parties because we have such similar senses of humor. We laugh at a lot of the same jokes, but we're also capable of appreciating each other's wry wit without having to laugh to prove we get it.

This is the guy who understands why I don't want kids or a husband but doesn't make me roll my eyes when he talks about his own because he genuinely loves his family and wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. When he tells me that his kids are the joy of his life, I believe him.

This is the guy who, when he thought my birthday might be forgotten (and you'd better believe I was doing everything in my power to make sure it STAYED forgotten), took money out of his own pocket to buy me a card in which he wrote me a very long and lovely note, a neck massager in hopes of helping with the migraine I'd been suffering for three days already, and a handful of other thoughtful little knicknacks he thought I would like. Just to make sure I knew I was appreciated. Just to be a good friend.

Crap. Again with the waterworks.

And I can't do a damn thing for him, and it's killing me. My "problems" are worth a fart in the wind. If I could take this burden for him, I'd trade in a heartbeat. I know God isn't into bargains, but I'm not so good a person that I'm not trying.

So, I guess it comes to this: Chris, you're a good man, a good father, a good husband, and a good friend. I love you, man, and I'll be praying for you every step of the way. I hope with everything in me that you kick the shit out of this mess and have the long, full, happy life you deserve.

Bless your heart.


At 6:20 PM, Blogger Jenna said...

Thank you for writing about this. Please keep me updated. I will pray for him. Chris is a great guy! This completely breaks my heart. Jenna

At 6:30 PM, Blogger GutterBall said...

It's killing me, Jenna. I have all of this ESL (extended sick leave, for those who don't work there) that I've never even touched built up over almost four years of working there, and I can't give it to him.

It disappears in a week and a half. It's not like I'll get paid for that (though I'll get paid for my APPLE time), so why couldn't they donate it to him so he can still have something resembling income? WHY??

Because it's against company policy. You wanna talk about spitting nails with frustration. We're talking almost 300 hours of paid time off that's just going to disappear because I didn't personally use even an hour of it. I'm cool with not being paid for it, but I should be able to donate it if I can't use it!

Shit. Sprung another leak. I'll be back later.

At 5:55 PM, Blogger Jenna said...

That really does suck! Aimee called me and told me about the fundraiser so I am going to send some money. Please keep me updated. Miss ya lots! Jenna


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