Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Dear Charlie:

You know, I might finally be getting a feel for this holiday. Usually, I watch zombie movies on Christmas. So I got to thinking...why not combine the two a little more fully?

Thus was born my fabulous new Undead Christmas. I even have carols. It should be pretty easy to figure out which words go with which well-known Christmas classic.

This...is the Best. Holiday. EVER.

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Zombies roasting on an open fire
Undead nipping at your toes
Ghoulies moan with their eyes all a-glow
Happy hunting
Haaaappy hunting
Haaaaaappy hunting...toooooo...yooooouuuu


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We wish you a loaded shotgun
We wish you a loaded shotgun
We wish you a loaded shotgun
And a whole case of beer

Good hunting we hope
For you and your kin
Good hunting of zombies
And American beer

We wish you some high explosive
We wish you a bag of ANFO
We wish you a brick of C4
And a full keg of beeeeerrrrr!


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New and improved with even more undead-seasonal goodness!


Dashing through the streets
With undead at my back
I fear I won't survive
This first zombie attack

I can't stop to reload
My shotgun's blown its wad
I'm fresh out of explosives and
My machete's whopper-jawed

Ooooohhhh....

Rotting corpse
Rotting corpse
Undead on the way
Oh, what fun it is to shoot
A zombie from a sleigh, hey!

Rotting corpse
Rotting corpse
Ghoulies in the snow
One looks just like Auntie Ruth
And one like Uncle Joe

I headed for the church
Dropping weapons as I ran
And just when all was lost
I saw a speeding van

It was my best friend, Dave
As drunk as hell and pissed
He plowed down twenty ghouls, then cried
"I can't believe I missed!"

Oooohhhh...

Rotting corpse
Rotting corpse
Undead on the way
Oh, what fun it is to shoot
A zombie from a sleigh, hey!

Rotting corpse
Rotting corpse
Ghoulies in the snow
One looks just like Auntie Ruth
And one like Uncle Joe


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Rockin around the zombie pyre
At the undead roasting fest
Zombies as far as you can see
Hope you wore your orange vest

Rockin around the zombie pyre
Pile 'em high as you can throw
Later we'll have a keg of beer
'N piss our names into the snow


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And my personal favorite...my opus, you might say....

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Zombies moaning
Undead groaning
It's the end of the world
In the air there's a smell of flesh burning

People screaming
Zombies teeming
It's a meat smorgasbord
And from every street corner we shout

Kill 'em all
Kill 'em all
It's hunting time 'cross the nation
Shoot 'em down
Salt the ground
Soon they will stay in their graves


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See? Even an old Grinch like me can still get into the holiday spirit. It just takes that special spark, that little something extra to shoe-horn me into it.

Have a very Merry Undead Christmas, and may Santa bring you all the ammo you can carry.

4 Comments:

At 5:15 AM, Blogger writtenwyrdd said...

Those are effing brilliant, gb. Just awesome.

Merry Christmas and happy zombie hunting.

 
At 2:56 PM, Blogger laughingwolf said...

lol ...sooooooooo funny :D

 
At 11:03 PM, Blogger GutterBall said...

Heh. See, it's a dangerous thing for me to get into ANY holiday spirit. I haven't found a holiday yet that isn't made better with the addition of zombies.

I mean, can you imagine Undead Valentine's Day? Might actually make that most useless of days worth while.

And Arbor Day! Plant a tree, dig up an undead, start the fun! Don't forget your shotgun and a tinderbox!

 
At 1:10 PM, Blogger Joely Sue Burkhart said...

Oh, Sis, these are priceless. I can't wait until Undead Valentine's Day!

 

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