Monday, May 26, 2008

Dear Charlie:

Well, I must say that I had a movie-licious day yesterday. First and foremost was Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Yeah. That was just pure entertainment, there.

I honestly don't care what the critics thought of it. I haven't even checked. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. The group I went with thoroughly enjoyed themselves. The music. The hat. The chases and escapes.

Unlike so many long-awaited -- and ultimately disappointing -- sequels, this one delivers because the makers kept what made the earlier movies so great. They followed the equation. The only thing they changed was Nazis to communists, heh, and that ain't so great a jump.

They gave Indy a war record. I always thought they should do that. They intimated things from both the early movies and from the "young adventures" series they did way back when. They invented stuff out of whole cloth and borrowed liberally from actual lore.

And they put Harrison Ford through a car chase. There was always some kind of car chase. Great times, there. Heh.

And Shia LeBeouf was stellar, as always. That kid has a career in front of him. No matter what kind of part he's playing -- whether it's the same old, same old or something completely new and untried -- he brings a charisma, a force of personality to the role that makes it his and his alone. We'll be seeing him around for a long time to come unless he does something foolish with his personal life.

I won't go in depth with the plot because, while a few spoilers probably won't dampen the enjoyment of finding stuff out -- it's not terribly hard to guess, which, again, doesn't dampen any of the enjoyment -- it's always fun to approach an Indiana Jones movie with a clean slate. Which is why I didn't read any reviews or even any background on the making-of stuff.

It's just fun. Go see it if you're an Indiana Jones fan. Good times will abound.

Oh, and one more thing: in addition to my Star Wars mantis geekiness, I'll admit that I recognized the Nazca Lines. The monkey with the spiral tail, in specific. From where, you might ask?

A Nancy Drew novel. No, I'm not kidding. The Clue in the Crossword Cypher, to be exact. Yes, I am that much of a geek -- not only that I read it, but that I remembered it! Gah!

Anyway....

I watched a couple of other movies last night after we ate, but the only other one I'll talk about is Teeth. Beware -- the movie trailer I just linked is probably not work-safe. *snerk*

This movie takes a coming-of-age story for girls -- dealing with developing sexuality and the ideals behind womanhood itself -- and throws it all to hell. And it's AWESOME. Bwahah!

See, she has...teeth...down there. Remarkably similar to shark teeth. Heh, devastatingly sharp teeth. Down there. And sometimes, she uses them.

But I gotta give the makers some credit, because they set it up quite well. She's a lovely little girl just in the bud of her femininity. She's a member of the Promise group (or cult, if you prefer, heh) -- where kids make the promise to wait for sex until marriage. And she very firmly believes in her vow, even when she meets a boy that makes her heart race. In fact, she denies herself the temptation until her very own step-brother makes a play for her by insinuating that she's been saving herself all these years for him.

Ugh. Yeah, he's one sick puppy, but to give him credit, he's a frickin GREAT character. Heh.

Anyway, she throws herself at the other boy, intending to at least give her virginity to someone she thinks she loves, but when she begs out in the early stages of heavy-petting, the boy tries to "convince" her by raping her. He doesn't get too far before justice intervenes in the way of a terribly well-done crunching sound. Heheh. Screaming ensues.

Now doubly traumatized -- or is that triply traumatized? -- the poor girl gears herself up for her first gynecological examination to see if something's wrong down there. Unfortunately, all the men in her town are apparently sicko perverts, because the OB-GYN takes off his glove and gets up to some seriously unethical behavior before the mighty teeth employ themselves again and relieve him of his fingers. It's a hilarious scene with firebell screams and much jerking and thrashing around. Heh.

Even the boy she thinks of as a tentative friend, the one she goes to in terror before going to the police to admit that she killed the first jerk that raped her, basically rapes her. He gives her some of his mom's pills to calm her down, and when she's coasting on the feel-good vibes, starts feeling her up. She's so doped that she only half-heartedly tries to dissuade him by telling him the teeth will get him if he boinks her, but -- because she's not freaking out -- the teeth remain at bay. She enjoys a sexual experience for the first time.

And then finds out the guy had a bet with another friend that he could get her to break her Promise. The idiot tells the friend this ON THE PHONE while he's inside her. Do I really need to hint what happens? Heheh.

It's not a great movie. But it's a hilariously good movie. Well-done, for cheesy horror. Surprisingly well-done. Yes, we laughed our asses off, but isn't that what you're supposed to do at a B movie? And even while we laughed, I could see the positives of the flick.

So, if you aren't into the Indiana Jones raillery, you might step into the Teeth hilarity. Good times will be had by all. Except romantic comedy fans. They're pretty much right out. Heh.

1 Comments:

At 12:12 AM, Blogger Bulma16 said...

Don't worry; you're not the only one who's read Nancy Drew *facepalms*. I used to religiously read that series, Trixie Belden, the Babysitter's Club...and of course if you tell anybody this I'll have to end you >.<

 

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