Saturday, May 12, 2007

Dear Charlie:

I'm having a bizarro show day. First, it was Season One of the Venture Brothers. Heh. God, I love that show. Even got my brother watching it, even if only for Brock Sampson.

Now, it's Season Three of Red vs. Blue. Hilarious free-downloadable internet content. I cannot get enough of this show. I have all five seasons on my computer, but thanks to Dave, I have Season Three saved to a disc I can watch on TV. Everything's better on a bigger screen.

This...is just one of the many reasons I love this show:


Grif: They destroyed it all, Simmons. Those damn stupid bastards. They blew it all up! Damn them! Damn them to hell! Those damn dirty apes!

Simmons: Calm down, Grif. We don't know that the whole world is like this.

G: Yes, it is. They destroyed it all. I guess the society of men just wasn't meant to survive.

S: Hey, how about this: how about we explore more than two square miles before we jump to any conclusions?

G: It was definitely nuclear weapons. That's what did it. And the explosions caused massive power outages which caused the failsafe to fail which released a super-bacteria from a secret lab--

S: Oh, come on.

G: That caused a huge plague, and as the victims died, they rose from the dead twelve hours later to roam the Earth and feast on human flesh.

S: What?

G: A handful of gritty survivors from all walks of life were able to keep the legion of the infected radioactive undead at bay using only their wits and an inexplicable comprehension of agricultural science engineering. Everything was looking good...and that's when the meteor hit.

S: I think you just quoted every crappy Hollywood apocalypse movie ever.

Tucker: Nah. Hollywood doesn't understand apocolypse. They think that just one thing in everyday life goes away and that changes everything. Like in Road Warrior, it was gas, and in Waterworld, it was land.

S: What went away in The Matrix?

T: Sunlight.

G: I thought the missing element was plot.

T: I'm talking about Matrix I.

S: Oh, right.

G: Face it, Simmons. The Age of Man is done.

S: If all of that happened, where are the zombies? Why aren't they still around?

G: The meteor killed 'em.

S: And what about the super-bacteria?

G: It was infected by alien bacteria brought by the meteor and was wiped out in a massive bacteria-on-bacteria plague. Very ironic.

S: Okay. Then why haven't we been infected by the new alien bacteria?

G: It only infects other bacteria. Are you even listening to me?

T: Do you guys ever get anything done? Or do you just stand around and talk all day?

G: We don't get paid enough to do stuff.

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