Friday, April 20, 2007

Dear Charlie:

Okay, I admit it. I sometimes don't notice when a guy is hitting on me.

...

Okay, it's a little worse than that. I am woefully oblivious. Seriously. I'm sure my beloved sister is snorting at me right about now. I simply don't expect that kind of attention from the opposite sex because I don't approach every conversation with that in mind. I talk to anyone. Equal opportunity, you know.

So, when the guy I was chatting amiably with about movies Wednesday evening just stared at me, eyes wide and forehead creased in a frown, it took me a minute to realize that he was just as perplexed as I was, but for different reasons.

The prior conversation had gone a little something like this:

Him: See, I guess I'm just picky about my entertainment. I want a movie to feel real. I want to not notice the mistakes, to not be taken out of the moment. That's why I couldn't stand 300.

Me: Oh, man, I loved that movie! It was amazing!

Him: *groans, rolls eyes* It was so ridiculous! Monsters and over-dramatized acting. And the color was weird and it just didn't look realistic.

Me: But that was the point! It was stylized. It's a graphic novel come to life, and every detail enhanced that impression.

Him: Nope. Give me Troy any day.

Me: Oh, God. I hated that movie.

Him: What?! But it was great!

Me: *groans, rolls eyes* So boring! I mean, that one good fight at the end between Achilles and what's-his-name was good, but the whole rest of it...who cares? And the "history" behind it wasn't any more real than that behind 300.

Him: But it felt more real.

Me: Whatever. Pass.

Him: What kind of movie do you like, then?

Me: *woefully oblivious* Oh, comedy, action, martial arts, horror -- especially horror!

Him: *shakes head* Oh, damn. I guess I shouldn't ask you to go see The Hoax, huh?

Me: *blank stare*

This is about the point where the perplexed stares came in. My perplexed stare is probably obvious. I had no idea what the hell he was talking about. We obviously have polar-opposite tastes in movies. Why would he want to see one with me?

His perplexed stare? Well, I finally figured it out. See, he's a pretty good-looking guy. A little short for my tastes, but well-proportioned for all that and still taller than I am, which is a plus. Nice smile. Intelligent. Nice eyes. He's probably used to girls pretending to like whatever he likes so they can spend time with him. So he'll ask them out.

I did no such thing. *snerk* Even if I had been thinking about him being good-looking, which I only realized in the vaguest of ways and only AFTER the hour-long conversation, I still would've been confused as to why he'd want to try to find a mutually agreeable movie that wouldn't bore the shit out of both of us. I mean, why bother?

When I finally...finally!...realized what was going on, I colored up and coughed and tried to squirm my way out of any assumptions that I was aiming for a date. No offense to him -- like I said, he's a good-looking, intelligent guy -- but I don't date. Everyone who knows me knows this. I think I may have cleared up the misunderstanding without accidentally insulting him, but who knows?

God, I have got to get a frickin clue. Situations like that are just...embarrassing!

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