Friday, January 05, 2007

Bizarro Sidebar:

Noooooo! Bill Cowher is...retiring!!

It can't be!

The man is a staple of football. I have long fancied that one day, one glorious day, I would see that throbbing, pulsing vein in his forehead just...let go...and shoot a veritable fountain of blood into the football sky. The man is an apoplexy in the waiting.

He can't retire!

You know, I remember that old Dr. Pepper commercial he did. You know, the one where The Bus cracks open the last Dr. Pepper in the ice chest, and Coach Cowher comes over and snatches it out of his hand, yelling that the last Dr. Pepper is his, it's always his, and no one takes the last Dr. Pepper because it's his. They break to the cheesy theme song of the time, and then they switch back to The Coach, who's ripping a set of pom-poms out of a cheerleader's hands and yelling, "And these are mine, too!"

Bwahahah! Best commercial ever!

I love football guys who can make fun of themselves. It's right up there with that Snickers commercial with the reviled Shannon Sharpe. You remember the one.

Sharpe: *flubs a beauty pass and stays down on the ground*
Staffer: *runs out on the field to check the injury* Hey, you okay?
Sharpe: *sits up and pouts* When the fans boo me, it makes me feel bad.
Staffer: *rolls eyes*
Voice-over Guy: Gonna be here a while? Better bring a Snickers!

*falls over laughing*

God, football commercials rule.

But anyway...Bill Cowher! What will the Pittsburgh sideline be without his potentially volcanic presence?? What will I stare at in sick fascination now that The Pulsating Vein of Doom is gone??

Please, God, no!


At 9:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

He never said he is retiring. He simply resigned from the Steelers. My guess is, he'll take '07 off and be back coaching somewhere (Oakland, please God?) in '08. -JTC

At 1:01 PM, Blogger GutterBall said...

True enough. I suppose I overreacted at the thought of never seeing the Pulsating Vein of Doom again. Whew. I'm calm now.

I dunno that I want him in Oakland, though. You guys might actually be good again if that happened! Can't have that!


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