Friday, December 31, 2004

One Last Sidebar:

I hate to displace my Happy New Year post, but I'd be remiss if I didn't add this last tribute to my Reggie White memoriums for the year.

Terry Bradshaw has some lovely things to say about his legendary friend, and you can find them here. Read the start and the finish. The middle stuff is his job. The opening and closing are his tribute and his heart.

Dear Charlie:

Note to self: Cracker Jack does not a good breakfast make.

*tries to ignore rumbling, voracious stomach*

On a lighter note, I just wanted to say: out with the old, in with the new! 2005 will bring many things, of course, but the one that stands out the most to me is the dreaded 10-year high school reunion. I'm not really sure if that's a good thing or a bad one.

On one hand, I've lived a lot in the last 10 years. I've done tons of amazing stuff I never thought about in high school. Foreign travel, professional singing, writing books, making friends all over the world, nearly getting married before walking away from it all, witnessing babies being born left and right, putting my life on display for anyone to read....

Egads.

But on the other hand, it's The Ten Year Reunion. Isn't that supposed to tell you how old you are? John Mayor sings:

I just can't wait for my 10-year reunion
I wanna bust down the double doors
And when I stand on these tables before you
You will know what all this time was for

Will I? Curious, that. And I dunno about that "just can't wait" thing....

I'm usually willfully oblivious to the passage of time -- I'm content to live in the now, hope for the best tomorrow, and not regret yesterday, no matter how bad I screwed it up -- but with such a storied milestone upon me, I wonder if I should pay more attention. It doesn't feel like 10 years have passed. Hell, it doesn't feel like nearly 5 years have passed since I graduated college, but there you go.

But I think I know what all this time was for. It was a set-up, you see? It was a set-up for the rest of my life. I put all the blocks in place -- family, friends, home, career, security [of sorts], and prospects for the future. I didn't even realize I was doing it, but I did.

See, I don't have to stay here forever. I don't have to live in The Present for eternity. I set up my foundation so I can do something else if I want to. *blinks* I swear, it wasn't foresight. *laughs*

So, I guess if anyone asked, I'd tell them what I think all this time was for. I know I certainly enjoyed it -- even the worst parts of it. Especially the best parts of it.

So, happy New Years, everyone, however you celebrate it or don't. I don't do resolutions, but I do cherish hopes for the future, and I hope everyone survives intact and maybe comes out a little ahead of the game. I hope everyone's foundation holds. I hope at least one amazing thing happens to each of you -- though I'm NOT cursing anyone with that mysterious "May you live in interesting times" bullshit! -- that sheds some kind of illumination on what Time is for.

Bless you all, guys. It's been a good year, even when it wasn't. It'll be a good year, even when it isn't.

Thursday, December 30, 2004

Superfluous Sidebar:

No offense to Velvet Revolver or their killer song, Fall to Pieces, but I had to change the Song of the Week in my sidebar after seeing the title to one of BG's posts, In the shuffling madness....

God, I love Jethro Tull. *grin*

I'll put Fall to Pieces back up next week, since it got gypped by being taken down after a day. But I gotta give Tull the props, man, especially for Locomotive Breath.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled blogging.

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Sidebar:

A serious one, for once.

I'm sure everyone will soon be tired of singing Reggie White's praises, but I'm not sure enough good things can be said for the man. An ordained minister, a devastating football player, a loving family man, and an all around genial guy, Mr. White has always been one of those few famous people I wouldn't mind my non-existant kids looking up to. He had integrity.

Rare. So very rare.

So, I'll link to a few tributes. Try this one from NFL.com. Or this one, which takes a little longer to load, thanks to ESPN's graphics. Or this one from Yahoo! News. Or this one from the Tuesday Morning Quarterback. There are literally thousands. Hundreds of thousands.

He was a good man.

He was an excellent football player.

He was a helluva block. *grin*

God rest you kind, Mr. White. I think you just had too much talent, goodness, and integrity inside to live longer than you did.

In Don McLean's precious words: this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you....

Dear Charlie:

I've been a baaad, baaad blogger. *slaps self on back of hand* How many days has it been since I updated? Oh, that's right. FIVE. *shakes head* For shame.

First and foremost, the Chiefs game Saturday was AWESOME. I couldn't have asked for a merrier Christmas, and my joy and rapture in the victory neatly overscores my disgust for that stupid kid who threatened his mom with a butcher knife for not getting him what he wanted for Christmas. *grumbles* Greedy little bastard....

Second? I've been almost stupidly busy these last few days. *blinks* I didn't know I could cram 1,000 driving miles into 4 days without being a traveling salesman, but I managed it somehow. Between a round trip to KC, a round trip to the boonies, and a surprise round trip to Springfield last night after work, I totally undid all the good I did by getting my car lubed Friday afternoon. *grin* Those 3,000 miles were supposed to last me three months!

And I'm making another set of rounds this weekend with New Years at my beloved sister's house and a get-together at my best friend Kristi's place to spoil...err...I mean SEE her precious baby twins.

Whew.

But...I wouldn't have missed the Chiefs game for anything...

...and I couldn't have missed the family get-together on pain of death...

...and a friend needed a favor....

At any rate, I'm debating on going to Woody's tonight for some much-needed R&R or staying home to iron some fabric and cut out the quilt I'm making for another friend. *ponders* If I don't go to Woody's, I'll get phone calls from friends sporking me to show up anyway. If I do go to Woody's, I won't get those blocks cut out until Thursday night, which means I can't start sewing until...oh...Sunday? Monday?

It's a dilemma. No, it's a conundrum.

So, I'll go home and do some mad-quick ironing, run by Woody's for a couple of hours, then come home and at least get one color of blocks cut out. That oughtta do. *grin*

Friday, December 24, 2004

Dear Charlie:

Folks, it's official. Tomorrow's the day. This is the first time I've looked forward to December 25 since I was a wee one! Woo-hoo!

Okay, so if anyone watches the game, I'll be the jumping-up-and-down chick in the big red Chiefs coat and the Santa hat with a big posterboard sign that says, "I'm here...because I'd be doing this anyway", standing next to a tall, cover-all-ed black guy. *grin* If I can get the doodles right, that is.

Otherwise, it'll be all of that except the sign.

Heh.

I'll be sure to wave real big if the cameras get anywhere near me. *rolls eyes* Don't hold yer breath, folks....

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Bizarro Sidebar, Today's Edition:

Just one more, guys....

Heh, this is a bit addictive! This one is the "Athiest's Creation Theory", which...is strangely...apt....

A fluctuation in the quantum potato chip of the eternal multiverse initiated the beginning of our tuckered-out universe. We call this event The Big COLOSTOMY BAG, and from it came all the matter and redundant pop cans we see today. From this matter and redundant pop cans, gravity coalesced conjunctivae which ignited in a burst of atrocious reactions.

Eventually planets formed and began to conjugate briskly around these great flaming conjunctivae. On some of the planets the conditions were right for amino acids to form and propagate with schedules to make early life.

Through a process of survival of the itchiest, more complicated organisms evolved, because the itchiest organisms are the ones most likely to pass on their t-shirts to future generations. Giant quilted squirrels evolved and tightly ruled the earth, for millions of years. But they were killed when a mile long pointer trotted our planet.

Fortunately this event set the stage for the lowly taxidermy to evolve into the proto-politician and finally into the humans of today.

Heh. I just like that it puts politicians a rung below humans. *laughs*

You know? That reminds me of a joke on the derivation of the word "politics" -- poli meaning "many" and tics meaning "tiny blood-sucking creatures"....

Dear Charlie:

Hey! I was mentioned by the Tuesday Morning Quarterback! No really!

Is Romeo Crennel distracted too? For two years during the Patriots' mega-streak, he has resisted the urge to call silly big blitzes. Now Crennel calls a silly big-blitz, sending seven gentlemen after A.J. Feeley; touchdown pass, and Miami wins. Ay caramba! Ye gods! Yumpin yiminy! Good golly Miss Molly!

See? See?? That's me!

Okay. It's really more of a...passing reference, to coin a pun. But it DID strike me funny. *grin*

Monday, December 20, 2004

Bizarro Sidebar, Take 2:

Heh, this is addictive....


To her husband's surprise the Virgin Tibo was pregnant with child. Fortunately for Virgin Tibo, an angel explained that her child was Bryn Christ, the world's lord and hero, the glorious second cousin, twice removed of God.

At his birth angels told shepherds in the field to follow a shining fireball to find him. Also, three sleepy bugs came bearing gifts of teeth and beds.

Yea verily, and it came to pass, after Bryn Christ was baptized by being submerged in showers he gave the sermon on the spar. At the sermon on the spar Bryn Christ taught: Blessed are the dainty for they shall brawl the tacos, and cheeky are the long for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Bryn Christ also performed many miracles such as when he turned computers into boots at his friend's wedding, and made the tasty man not so tasty. Unfortunately the rulers became angry with the influence of Bryn Christ, So they bit him alongside a bait .

But someday he will return in magnificent glory... So tithe and watch your back!!


We now return you to your regularly scheduled blogging.

*furtive snickers*

Bizarro Sidebar:

Oh. My. God. This...is hilarious!

Okay. I was reading my beloved sister's blog, and I came across this entry. Amusing, ne? Heh, then I read further, sure I would find the source of the hilarity. Sure enough, here it is.

So, plugging in my trilogy's character names and such:


In the beginning God created the tail and the regeneration tank. The regeneration tank was without ears and pointed. Then God said let there be boot and there was boot. And God saw the boot, that it was blue.

On the 6th day God created the first man, Jita. And God saw Jita, that he was shiny. God then took one of Jita's teeth and made the first woman, Taro. And God said you shall not eat of the Ino-zo of claiming scar for if you do you shall surely fly. But unfortunately a wily Kosenian tricked Taro into eating of the Ino-zo of claiming scar while God wasn't looking. He eventually found out and kicked them out of the garden.

Jita and Taro then had two sons, Cane and Able. Cane was a shooter of lightning bolts, while Able was a herder of Eso-din. Cane then gave God an offering of furry energy blasts and Able gave Him an offering of gravity chambers. But God really preferred the gravity chambers so Cane smugly kicked Able in the fields.

For that God cursed Cane to shoot lightning bolts forever.


ACK! I've inadvertently slashed my own characters! Nonono! *falls over laughing*

Note to self: kinda keep in mind the Bible story in question when selecting names. Gender is...um...important....

*snicker*

Dear Charlie:

Today, I'm singing for several reasons. One is that absolutely hilarious song my sister penned to cheer me up. It's stuck in my head. I just keep chuckling and humming....

The other reason? Elementary, Watson. My boys kicked the ever-lovin shit out of Denver. *happy sigh* I mean, it wasn't even a close game. It was 45-10 until like the 2-minute warning. Nuts. I kept holding my breath, waiting for the defense to fall apart...but it DIDN'T. *gasp* The defense played all 4 quarters, by Jove, and BOY did they stop the Broncos!

I love when we score on the first play of the game. *big grin*

So, the Chiefs are 6-8. And I'm going to Arrowhead on Saturday for the Christmas "Kill the Raiders" fest. Woo-hoo! Does it get any better? I just don't see how....

Note to self: don't forget to wear the stupid Santa cap you bought as soon as you knew for sure you were going.

Saturday, December 18, 2004

Hilarious Sidebar:

My beloved sister is an absolute genius. I kid you not. Check out this post if you don't believe me.

Not only is the song itself tragically apt, but it absolutely works when you sing it out loud! And trust me...I've been doing so aaalllll day! *falls over laughing*

We now return you to your regularly scheduled blogging.

Friday, December 17, 2004

Dear Charlie:

I think I'm having an Ebenezar Scrooge moment. Seriously, folks.

I dislike this time of year. I dislike the crowds, the hustle, the spend-wacky mobs, the insistence on getting the most expensive (and not necessarily the most thoughtful) gifts, the friggin Christmas music 24-7 for a month straight!!

Yeah, I dislike this time of year. And this one has started out worse than usual. In several ways I won't explore here (c'mon, this is a happy blog, ne? *grin*), this Christmas season just took the heart out of me. I was TIRED. I didn't want to do any of it anymore. I've said quite candidly that if I had the money to do it, I'd take off the whole friggin month and lock myself into seclusion, turn off the TV and the beloved radio (because even my favorite jaded rock station can't avoid Christmas music on commercials, dammit), and just write/read/doodle/bake away the entire month of December.

However, a funny thing happened. The more I tried to withdraw from the world this year, the less able to do so I became.

When people heard that my own family Christmas had been all but cancelled, they became outraged on my behalf. My beloved sister set up a family Christmas with my brother and his family so we'd still have a family get-together. Scores of friends and work mates invited me to their family Christmas things, though I'm clearly not family. I received good tidings of great joy from all over the world. Friends I've never met (and may never meet, sadly enough) sent both presents and good cheer. *is astonished* Other friends encouraged me to forget family woes and come do Christmas with them in other states...in other countries. They offered of their homes and their time and their good cheer to make me -- me! -- feel better, feel wanted and loved.

And, perhaps best and most gut-wrenching of all...a good friend here in town...gave me -- gave me, mind you -- tickets to the Christmas Day Chiefs game at Arrowhead!

*passes out*

*wakes up and does a little dance*

I'm spending Christmas in the most amazing place in the world, in my humble opinion! Tail-gating on Christmas. Live, in-person football on Christmas. A sea of whooping, roaring red on Christmas. Playing against the Oakland Faders on Christmas Day and I'm gonna be there!

And all thanks to a friend who has always been one of the most giving souls I've ever encountered. Bless your heart, Karla. If I wish anyone a Happy Holidays this year, it's you. But I know you're already having a better holiday than I could ever wish you. *wink* She knows what I'm talking about, folks. *grin*

No, I'm not a changed person. I won't run out into the streets shrieking "Merry Christmas! And God bless us, every one!" -- though I do wish good blessings on those wonderful souls who wouldn't let me slip away from the world for a month. I still think this is the most commercial, most soul-sucking holiday ever conceived.

However, mine just got that much better, and I think...I may actually have to put up my tree this year. The day before Christmas, of course. And take it down again as soon as I get home from the Chiefs game. *smirk* And sober up, of course. *laughs*

And I only consider putting it up because the ornaments are red and the trimming is gold and the tiny gold-wire angel I prop up on top seems to be something of a good luck charm when the Chiefs have a December slump....

Yes. I have a Chiefs tree. *laughs*

And thanks, guys. Thanks to you all. Maybe I won't try to slink away so hard next year, ne?

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Dear Charlie:

I have seen the light. I finally understand the Chiefs' strategy this year. This article from the Chiefs' homepage illuminates EVERYTHING.

The Chiefs yielded 542 yards Monday night, allowed the Titans to hold the ball nearly 38 minutes and made wide receiver Drew Bennett look like the next Jerry Rice. The Chiefs only stopped him by letting him catch so many passes from Billy Volek that by the time he caught his third touchdown pass for a 28-21 lead in the third quarter, he was too exhausted to do much more damage the rest of the night.

That's right, folks. Our strategy is dangerously simple: let 'em win 'til they die from it.

BRILLIANT!

*falls over laughing*

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Sidebar:

Heh, on a side note, I got 12 of 16 picks right this week. *is smug*

And I'm oddly glad to say I was wrong about San Francisco. I said that it was a sad, sad day when I expected Arizona to kick the shit out of someone, but San Fran pulled it off in overtime. Whaddya know? *big grin*

Now, I wouldn't go so far as to call myself a '49ers fan, but I do have a lingering soft spot for the boys in gold.

Could be because of Joe Montana.

Could also be because of the hilariously fun Niners fans Derek and I ran into on a shuttle to the miraculous and infamous ProBowl practice -- you remember, the one where we met James Hasty's family and got to go down on the field and shake hands and take pictures and get signatures? Yeah, that practice.

Anyway, on the way to that practice, we took a shuttle from our hotel to the stadium and got to chatting with a nice couple from San Fran. They were very staunch Niners fans, but they were willing to admit that the Chiefs were a laudable team, if not particularly their pick. *grin*

At any rate, they stuck with Derek and I when we exited the shuttle and were very quick to voice a "Hey! The Chiefs ain't bad!" when the Hastys graciously took us under their wing. *laughs* They, too, were considered family for the day, and we all had a lovely time on the field, thanks to Mom Hasty, who gave the security guard a "What are YOU looking at?" look when he gave US a funny look when we were referred to as "cousins".

God love ya, Mom Hasty, wherever you are.

Dear Charlie:

Woo-hoo! Chiefs won!

They worried me a bit. Okay, that's a lie. They scared the ever-lovin' shit out of me, but they pulled it out. Having not led until either late in the 3rd or early in the 4th quarter, they then juggled the lead until Eddie Kennison scored the defining touchdown that put us up by 4 with maybe a minute left.

Then, a Titans flub, a Monty Beisel scoop-up, and the big #50 ran it back for a totally gratuitous but absolutely beautiful touchdown. Yay! A defensive score! Something we can DEFINITELY use more of! 49-38, and we've won two in a row! [correction as of 12/15/04: Kawika Mitchell scooped up the fumble, not Monty Beisel. My bad!]

Hey, that's a big deal, you know. This year. *grin*

I'll probably have more to gab about when I hit Tuesday Morning Quarterback's commentary, but for now, I'm content to breathe a sigh of relief and look forward to next week. Denver.

Hell, I may even be going to that game -- or the Christmas one, which might change my "Bah Humbug" attitude forever! *laughs*

Friday, December 10, 2004

Dear Charlie:

Ever a glutton for punishment, I decided to make my picks public again. Maybe this time I'll remember all the teams. *rolls eyes*

The bold ones are the home teams.

Chicago over Jacksonville
Buffalo over Cleveland
Dallas over New Orleans
Atlanta over Oakland
Denver over Miami
Green Bay over Detroit*
Carolina over St. Louis*
Philadelphia over Washington
New England over Cincinnati
Indianapolis over Houston
Baltimore over NY Giants*
Minnesota over Seattle
Pittsburgh over NY Jets*
Arizona over San Francisco*
San Diego over Tampa Bay

Kansas City over Tennessee

I just noticed that I'm overwhelmingly in favor of the home teams this week. This really only mattered to me in maybe two games, but it certainly looks impressive, ne?

*A few notes:

1) Sorry BG. I just can't do it. I hope your Lions win. I really do.

2) I get to pick someone over St. Louis! Yay! *does a little dance*

3) Sorry Dave and Phil. Just can't pick the Giants this week.

4) Sorry Dave. Can't pick the Jets, either. The Steelers are on a 10 game winning streak. The Jets aren't sucking this year, but DAMN.

5) It's a sad, sad day when I expect Arizona to kick the shit out of someone.

Thursday, December 09, 2004

Sidebar:

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Heh. Words to live by, folks.

Good news on my laptop. My wonderful ex-boyfriend was kind enough to order the fan for me and to volunteer to fix The Beast! Woo-hoo! I may be able to afford this, after all!

Better still, it won't take weeks and weeks to get back from the dealership!

*does a little dance*

I can't wait, I can't wait, I can't wait!

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Dear Charlie:

This will be an all-inclusive post, folks.

1) My best friend had her twins yesterday! Woo-hoo! Ava Ruth and Cannan Samuel were born around 7:30 yesterday evening to a wonderful mother who didn't even mess up her hair. No C-section. No stitches, for cryin' out loud! Kristi, you are my hero, and you have beautiful babies. *puddles up*

2) My laptop...is fried. *cries* The fan went out, folks, and God only knows when I'll be able to get it fixed. So, my only computer is my work computer. I think I will die from the loss. Seriously. I can suffer without internet connection for a day or two, sure. But no computer AT ALL? Ye gods! I'll never live!

[However, thanks to some quick thinking on my beloved sister's part, I am writing out some pertinent character details long-hand, so I am working on my rewrite. Sort of.]

3) I got 9 out of 15 picks this week. Not bad. And I apparently, mysteriously missed making a pick on the Cincinnati vs. Baltimore game, but I probably would have picked Baltimore, so that's probably a good thing. 9 right and 6 wrong ain't too bad. Could be worse. Heh, Oakland could have won, which would have SUCKED!

Which leads me to:

4) CHIEFS WON! Yay! I don't care if we win another game all season (though I wouldn't mind kicking Denver, as they've lost two division games in a row, now)! We beat Oakland! *does a little dance* I swear, folks, so long as we beat the Faders at least once, I'm a happy, happy girl.

*is a happy girl*

At any rate, that's about all I can milk out of this post at the moment. I obviously won't be very much in contact, much to BG's dismay -- sorry, man! I know you're jonesin' about your trip to Las Vegas and need to chat -- but it can't be helped. Sorry! I'll try to post every now and then until this damn fan thing is fixed, but God only knows when that'll be.

Friday, December 03, 2004

Sidebar:

Okay, out of morbid curiosity and a certain masochistic tendency to make a fool of myself in public, I'm finally posting my football picks. *big grin* It's only...what...week 13?

The bold teams are home teams.

Arizona over Detroit
Buffalo over Miami
Minnesota over Chicago
St. Louis over San Francisco*
San Diego over Denver*
Philadelphia over Green Bay*
Pittsburgh over Jacksonville
Atlanta over Tampa Bay
New Orleans over Carolina
NY Jets over Houston
New England over Cleveland*
Indianapolis over Tennessee
Kansas City over Oakland*
NY Giants over Washington*

Seattle over Dallas

*A few notes:

1. I absolutely loathe picking St. Louis, but San Fran...*sigh*.

2. I pick San Diego over Denver for two reasons: Denver's probably still stymied after that loss to Oakland, and my buddy from San Diego would have my hide for not picking the Bolts when they're actually kicking ass.

3. I love Green Bay, and I know they're high off Monday night's crushing performance, but it's Phillie, guys. They're a juggernaut this year. *grin*

4. Despite Cleveland's 48 points last week [during a loss, for God's sake], I don't see them taking the Pats. Not with their defense, which allowed...what...58 points in that same game?

5. I will always pick Kansas City over the Faders. Always. Hell, I'll always pick them over anyone. They CAN kick anyone's ass. They just...choose not to...for their own reasons. Yeah. And I don't care that the Faders kicked the Broncos last week. Pssh. This division rules, and you never know who'll kick whom.

6. I pick the Giants for two reasons: two close friends are mega-fans who will murder me if I don't, and I think they have something to prove. They definitely want to come off this 4-game losing streak, and Washington doesn't have a great record at home. However, Giants have allowed a few too many points to make this an easy victory by any stretch.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Dear Charlie:

I have come to a momentous decision. The Binding Statement I swore to earlier (see sidebar at right) is now null and void. I hate to do it, folks, but it's for the best.

You see, I've decided to rewrite.

Yeah, the story's pretty good. Yeah, I could probably tweak here and there and be satisfied with it. It was leaps and bounds above what I'd written thus far. However, now, I can do better.

And I have a better idea of what I want.

I want it to be more sci-fi than anything else. There will still be an almost anime feel, but more scientifically done. Yes, there will still be sex. Can't avoid that with the plot-line. But what little sap I wrote in before will now be pared down to the bare minimum. The story is about what's happening, not who's getting friendly with whom. And there are elements of the science involved that I've been dying to explore.

Heh, and best of all, I think I can write it much more streamlined now. I'm getting pretty damn good at cutting out the bullshit. *laughs* I know, I know! From my stories, not from my blog!

Anyway, I wanted to have a draft of Book 3 done by Christmas, but since I'm rewriting, I think that's pretty much moot. I write fast, folks, but without that Tommyknockers dream-telepathy machine, that much writing's just not possible. Not with working full time. No can do.

Damn. I hate breaking promises. But this needs to be done. I think it will be immeasurably better this second time around. I know more about my characters, more about the science, and more about the story. And I know more about how to speed things along now -- what can be skimmed over and what must be detailed.

Heh, you'd think I started this thing years ago, ne? Nope. I started Book 1 in...what...September last year? Wrote it in 2 months? Then started Book 2 in...February? Something like that? Wrote it in 2 months and a week? Took a pause. Started Book 3, then totally lost all discipline.

*laughs*

I may have fixed that, too. I certainly HOPE so, anyway!

Dear Charlie:

Every once in a while, you bump into a truly priceless song. Maybe you've heard it a hundred times. Maybe you've even LOVED it a hundred times. But you stumble across it again after a long absence, and it just speaks to you. Makes you laugh. Makes you cry [shyeah, right -- me cry?].

I got annoyed at my favorite radio station last night just before stepping into the bath, so I popped in my old Charlie Daniels Band CD, set it to "shuffle repeat all", and settled in. First song? Uneasy Rider.

Now, I love this song. Know the entire and quite lengthy bit by heart. Wrote a paper about it in college, even. *grin* Aced the hell out of that paper, too.

But I hadn't heard it in a while, and it just absolutely cracked me up. I didn't even bother vamping along, too amused to ruin the moment by dredging up all the words. I just listened and laughed and vowed to put the lyrics up in my blog for everyone to enjoy.

Sure, some of the atmosphere is lost without that strummy, plunky guitar riff in the background, but the lyrics are basically chanted, rather than sung, so I think it'll play through here well enough. And the lyrics are damn funny.


Uneasy Rider

I was takin a trip out to LA
Toolin along in my Chevrolet
Tokin on a number and diggin on the radio
Just as I crossed the Mississippi line
I heard that highway start to whine
And I knew that left-rear tire was about to go

Now, the spare was flat and I got uptight
'Cause there wasn't a fillin station in sight
So I just limped on down the shoulder on the rim
I went as far as I could and when I stopped the car
It was right in front of this little bar
A kinduva redneck lookin joint called the Dew Drop Inn

Well, I stuffed my hair up under my hat
And told the bartender that I had a flat
And would he be kind enough to give me change for a one?
There was one thing I was sure proud to see
There wasn't a soul in the place 'cept for him and me
And he just looked disgusted and pointed toward the telephone

I called up a station down the road a ways
He said he wasn't very busy today
And he could have someone there in just about 10 minutes or so
He said, "Now, you just stay right where you're at"
And I didn't bother to tell the dern fool
That I sure as hell didn't have anyplace else to go

I'd just ordered up a beer and sat down at the bar
When some guy walked in and said "Who owns this car
With the peace sign, mag wheels, and four-on-the-floor?"
He looked at me and I damn near died
And I decided that I'd just wait outside
So I laid a dollar on the bar and headed for the door

Just when I thought I'd get outta there with my skin
These five big dudes come strollin in
With this one ol' drunk chick and some feller with green teeth
I was almost to the door when the biggest one
Said, "You tip your hat to this lady, son"
And when I did all that hair fell out from underneath

Now the last thing I wanted was to get in a fight
In Jackson, Mississipi on a Saturday night
'Specially when there was three of them and only one of me
But they all started laughin and I felt kinda sick
And I knew I'd better think of somethin pretty quick
So I just reached out and kicked ol' Green Teeth right in the knee

He let out a yell that'd curl your hair
But before he could move, I grabbed me a chair
And said, "Watch him, folks, 'cause he's a thoroughly dangerous man
You may not know it, but this man's a spy
He's a undercover agent for the FBI
And he's been sent down here to infiltrate the Ku Klux Klan"

He was still bent over, holdin onto his knee
But everybody else was lookin and listenin to me
And I laid it on thicker and heavier as I went
"Would you believe this man has gone as far
As tearin Wallace stickers off the bumpers of cars?
And he voted for George McGovern for President!

"Well, he's a friend of them long-haired, hippy-type pinko fags
I betcha he's even got a Commie flag
Tacked up on the wall inside of his garage
He's a snake in the grass, I tell ya, guys
He may look dumb, but that's just a disguise
He's a mastermind in the ways of espionage"

They all started lookin real suspicious at him
And he jumped up and said, "Now, just wait a minute, Jim!
You know he's lyin! I been livin here all of my life!
I'm a faithful follower of Brother John Birch
And I belong to the Antioch Baptist Church
And I ain't even got a garage! You can call home and ask my wife!"

Then he started sayin something 'bout the way I was dressed
But I didn't wait around to hear the rest
I was too busy movin and hopin I didn't run out of luck
When I hit the ground, I was makin tracks
And they were just takin my car down off the jacks
I threw the man a twenty and jumped in and fired that mother up

Mario Andretti woulda sure been proud
At the way I was movin when I passed that crowd
Comin out the door and headed toward me at a trot
And I guess I shoulda gone ahead and run
But somehow, I just couldn't resist the fun
Of chasin them all, just once, around the parkin lot

Well, they're headed for their car and I hit the gas
Spun around and headed 'em off at the pass
I was slingin gravel and puttin a ton of dust in the air
*chuckle* I had 'em all out there steppin and fetchin
Like their heads were on fire and their asses was catchin
But I figured I better go ahead and split 'fore the cops got there

When I hit the road, I was really wheelin
Had gravel flyin and rubber squealin
And I didn't slow down 'til I was almost to Arkansas
Well, I think I'm gonna reroute my trip
I wonder if anybody'd think I'd flipped
If I went to LA...via Omaha?


--Charlie Daniels Band



A true classic of the age, folks. I didn't have to check the lyrics once. That song just stays with ya!

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Dear Charlie:

*sigh* No, I have not abandoned you. I tried to blog both Monday and Tuesday, only to lose the posts when even the "Save as Draft" function failed. I didn't feel up to rewriting them. However, I did write a stunning review of the movie 3000 Miles to Graceland, which I may reproduce at some point. I waxed nearly poetic, there.

Heh, in other news, despite a heart-breaking loss on Sunday, my beloved Chiefs earned a few positive mentions from the ever-witty Tuesday Morning Quarterback. Here are my favorites:

On Sunday, Dante Hall had more return yardage than the offensive yardage of five entire teams (Miami, Pittsburgh, San Francisco, Seattle and Washington).

...and...

Priest Holmes has not played in three weeks, and still has more touchdowns than the entire Washington Redskins.

Heh. I love stats like that. They just make me happy.