Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Dear Charlie:

No Woody's tonight. *scowls* I just remembered that Scott told us last week that he wasn't playing "next Wednesday". Bummer.

Mind you, I would probably still go for the pizza--it's to die for!--but there are about ten other things for which I need that $10-20, so I'd probably better treat this as a blessing and pay a little extra on a bill somewhere. *grin*

On another note, I feel obliged to report a public health crisis. Last night as Dave, his girlfriend, and I vegged in front of the TV, watching an old tape of Patton Oswald (sp?) and laughing our asses off, we all three nearly choked to death on Smarties. Now, we obviously didn't all choke at once, but the facts are clear.

Smarties are hazardous to your health, especially when combined with frank and direct discussion of the differences between Bob Ross's happy trees and that other, volatile, brooding German guy whose name I can't recall, complete with startingly accurate verbal depictions of both artists.

So please, folks, take action. Save yourselves. Take all appropriate caution when ingesting these tasty, yet addictive and highly dangerous little tidbits. Please realize that your friends, while remarkably helpful under usual circumstances, will be too busy pointing and laughing at your discomfort as you choke to death--I know I was!--to actually aid you in any resuscitation activities, so be prepared to pound yourself on the chest and hack until your eyes hurt to save yourself.

Smarties may well be the biggest threat to public health since the Black Plague, which destroyed a third of the population of Europe and crippled another third.

And for God's sake, don't try to choke them down with Coke! It only makes it worse!

Be warned, people.


At 11:35 PM, Blogger Michelle said...

Molly, Molly, Molly! My word woman, you SLAY me. ROFLMAO over here. Oh, heavens, I love smarties, but you are so right. You can choke to death on the little buggars! Smarties are the husbands choice candy at Halloween. Of course I prefer Nerds...they are right up my alley.

I love reading your blog sweetie, it never fails to bring a smile to my face!

At 11:41 PM, Blogger GutterBall said...

I love Nerds! Woo-hoo!

You know, I think the only candy more deadly than Smarties are Pixie Stix. Those things are death in a straw. *shakes head*


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