Friday, October 08, 2004

100 Things You Didn't Know About Me

I've seen this on other blogs. Usually, the facts therein are pretty damn amusing, so I thought I'd give it a whirl. We'll see, I guess.

I honestly don't know how in hell I'll come up with 100 things to say about myself. Seems a little self-centered, if you ask me, but others have managed it. Surely, I can, too. I'll think of it as a challenge and try to make it as entertaining as possible while still telling the boring truth.

Warn you ahead of time, folks, this is really, REALLY long.

1. I know all the lyrics to all 6 verses of Don McLean's American Pie.

2. While I have an almost obsessive need to separate my computer files into neatly labeled subfolders until no extraneous, uncategorized documents clutter my "My Stuff" file on my laptop, I have absolutely no desire to organize my house in similar manner. The result is mass clutter.

3. I've been to 24 of the 50 states, and my goal is to at least drive through the rest before I die. I'm working on it, folks.

4. I've been to Germany, Austria, Cheq Republic, Italy, and Switzerland during a one-month class for my German minor in college. I spoke German for the vast majority of that trip.

5. While in Italy, I had a two-hour-long conversation with a total stranger on a park bench though she spoke no German or English and I spoke no Italian. Communication is a many-splendored thing.

6. I learned to write in katakana (one of three parts of the Japanese written language) so I could correctly write the names of the Dragonball Z characters I draw. I can recognize hiragana, though I don't write it as well as katakana. Now, I'm working on kanji.

7. I memorized "Jabberwocky" for a play audition my freshman year in college. Now, I can't forget it.

8. My fingers are ridiculously double-jointed, but I can't pop them. Go figure.

9. In the right pants, I can hook my foot behind my head, but I don't do it often because releasing the position usually pulls my hair, and I really hate that.

10. I'm such an insomniac that I sometimes have to meditate for two hours, just to fall asleep.

11. I read 9 books in Laurell K. Hamilton's Anita Blake series in 5 days. I was sick with bronchitis, off work for the week, and felt so crappy I literally couldn't think of anything better to do.

12. I once wrote 37 pages, single-spaced, in a single day. That's around 25,000 words, folks.

13. I once annoyed the hell out of a too-handsy date by flagging him with football penalties. You'd be amazed how many apply: offsides, neutral zone infraction, holding, illegal use of hands, illegal touching, illegal man down-field.... You get the idea.

14. I make a much better friend than girlfriend.

15. I have a running list of reasons I'm glad I don't have kids. I'm currently on #384.

16. My hair started going grey at 16, though I didn't start coloring it until I turned 26. Actually, "grey" is somewhat misleading. My hair is either black or white, depending on which strand you pick. No shades in between.

17. I used to sing back-up in a local band. I also did a little rhythm with an egg shaker. I'm still occasionally recognized as the Shaker Lady, much to my chagrin, or the American Pie Lady. I'm not sure which is worse. Ugh, actually The Molly Bucket takes the cake, but that story is entirely too long to share.

18. In high school, I played B-flat clarinet, alto clarinet, and electric bass guitar. Outside of school, I also played saxophone, trumpet, flute, violin, and piano.

19. I've taken seven pottery classes at my local university. Two were for college credit; the rest were for "continuing education" -- ie., for the hell of it. If I wanted, I could probably make a case for a minor in art, but I already have two minors -- German language and psychology -- and I graduated 4 years ago with 30+ hours over the required curriculum, so I figure I'm good.

20. I know enough lyrics to enough songs that my music friends have dubbed me "The Teleprompter".

21. I have the most eclectic musical tastes of anyone I've come across. The only thing I can't bear to listen to is that bubble-gum pop crap popularized by Brittany Spears and her countless clones. I don't consider that music any more than I consider Ramen noodles fine cuisine.

[That's not to knock Ramen noodles, mind you. I've eaten more than my fair share, and they are the Average Joe's best friend between paychecks.]

22. I once played mahjong for eight hours straight.

23. I often forget to eat, especially when I'm enamored of some new knowledge interest.

24. Halloween is my favorite holiday, hands down. Fourth of July comes closest, but it's still a far second, and it's only that close because of the potential for explosive damage.

25. I seriously considered going into the Army right out of high school and becoming an explosives specialist to have entrée into the Bomb Squad. Too bad the Army frowns on a bad knee and flat feet.

26. My high school English teacher once asked us students to choose a memorable line from Shakespeare's Hamlet, memorize it, and spout it in class. I picked, "Oh, what heinous speed to post with such dexterity to incestuous sheets." She wasn't amused.

27. I have good enough throwing aim to kill a dime-sized spider from across a 30-foot room with a hurled shoe.

[Hey, we arachnophobes have to work within our means.]

28. I have a decidedly juvenile crush on Luther Reigns, a WWE Smackdown wrestler, because he has the most beautiful legs I've ever seen on a man in perfect proportion to the rest of his incredibly gorgeous body.

29. I actually liked the movie Freddy vs. Jason, though I couldn't care less if the ridiculous teeny-boppers lived. I was rooting for the monstrosities.

30. People who know me well are continually surprised at my ability to be practical.

31. I was once bet $20 that I couldn't remain silent for 10 hours straight. I won the bet, then continued the silent treatment for another 2 hours, just for spite.

32. I have two separate and distinct voices -- a speaking voice and a phone voice. Even my beloved sister didn't recognize my phone voice the first time she heard it. I've been told on several occasions that I should have a 1-900 line.

33. I once won free tickets to a local haunted house by spewing 30-seconds of curse-free invectives at a hapless local DJ over the phone on-air. That's what they get for having an insult contest. Everyone else had to be so heavily bleeped that it was pretty pointless. This spew of insults culminated in "You would be a pariah on the Island of Misfit Toys". For some reason, that really, really cracked the DJ up.

34. I love every song I've ever heard by Meat Loaf.

35. I have enlarged pupils, making me incredibly sensitive to light. However, they also give me pretty good night vision.

36. I hand-painted the Chiefs logo on an old field helmet. That helmet now has 8 very famous signatures on it, and I am always on the look-out for more.

37. I and my (now-ex) boyfriend won a free trip to the Pro-Bowl in Hawaii. As if that wasn't amazing enough, the day before the game, we went to a practice session, bumped into James Hasty's entire and incredibly wonderful family, and got to go down on the field, shaking hands, taking pictures, and getting signatures. We, of course, grinned like star-struck idiots the entire time. One of the more mind-blowing moments of my existence....

38. I have all of Stephen King's books except Cycle of the Werewolf and the two latest additions to the Dark Tower series. They take up an entire bookshelf in my house.

39. I got my nickname, GutterBall, by being the only person I know to bowl 6 straight gutter balls in the same game in which I threw 3 strikes.

40. I am inordinately (and unfashionably) fond of the art of war -- strategy, skill, instinct, insight, reflex, bloodlust, remorse, life and death, study and reaction, form and function, weapons and hand-to-hand, the very mindset therein.

41. I have a knack for mimicking accents. The longer I speak with someone with a heavy accent, the more likely I am to accidentally pick it up.

42. When traveling abroad, I feel it polite to know at least a few common customs and traditions so I don't offend any more people than absolutely necessary. Again, people who know me well and know the solid core of spite lurking under my genial, easy-going nature are often surprised at this level of diplomacy and courtesy.

43. I like to keep people guessing. Predictability is a small death.

44. I do believe in spooks. I do believe in spooks. I do, I do, I do, I do believe in spooks. Or something, anyway....

45. I am infinitely more likely to turn on my radio than my television.

46. I do not watch reality TV. Except for Last Comic Standing, and only because...hey, it's comedy.

47. I love the term "The Governator". It just stays with me.

48. Steak is God's greatest gift to mankind.

49. I have loved and lost a legion of pets -- cats, dogs, hamsters, mice, rabbits, birds, fish, horses, calves, etc. -- and I still think steak is God's greatest gift to mankind. I have no problem eating something with a face. After all, fruits and vegetables are plant ovaries and eggs. Now who's eating gross stuff?

50. I'm convinced that "O Holy Night" can be both the most hauntingly beautiful and the most painful song ever performed.

51. I'm equally convinced that this is the most self-aggrandizing exercise to which I've ever been privy. I'm a little ashamed to continue it, but I promised myself the full 100. Sorry, folks.

52. I taught myself to juggle in high school. It seemed like the thing to do at the time.

53. I sometimes have dreams so real that I wake up with lingering, physical side effects.

54. I like to chew gum. A lot. It helps me keep my mouth shut at inopportune times.

55. Coca-Cola is my favorite multi-function product. It tastes great, it'll strip the wax off your windshield if you ran your car through the automatic wash, and it degreases an engine faster than most professional cleaners on the market.

56. I don't like dresses. I don't like pantyhose. I don't like fixing my hair. I don't like make-up. I don't like dress shoes. If I had my druthers, I'd wear jeans, a t-shirt, a ponytail, and my Chiefs hat for the rest of my life. Too bad I work in a law firm.

57. I played every sport my school offered -- except football, though not for lack of begging -- at one point or another. Ironically enough, football is the only sport I still like.

58. I've made doodling both an art form and a way of life.

59. I'm nearly as eclectic in my taste in movies as I am in music. However, I can honestly say I've never watched a porno.

60. I can touch my nose with my tongue.

61. I think casual cruelty is both more common and more horrible than anything in the world, perhaps because of its off-handed nature.

62. I love baking. It's one of my few girlie habits.

63. Some day, I want either a Great Dane or a British mastiff as a companion. Big dogs rule. Small dogs are a waste of both fur and air.

64. I love Vin Diesel's voice. He could read stereo instructions, and I would listen for eternity.

65. 2000 was the luckiest year of my life. Not the happiest, per se, but definitely the luckiest.

66. Lying in a pasture and staring up at the stars is one of the best ways to waste time I've ever found.

67. I grew out of a poison ivy allergy and into seasonal allergies.

68. My best friend and I used to go road-tripping on the gravel roads around our home town, wait until no one was around, then scream at the top of our lungs, just because we could.

69. I think the human mind is capable of things of which we can't even conceive. Telepathy, telekinesis, name it. Placebos can cure cancer. A terrified father can lift a car off his child. A wife can feel when her husband or children are in danger. Etc.

70. Gelatinous is a funny word. It's just fun to say. Gelatinous.

71. I don't like feet. I think flip-flops should be outlawed.

72. Nothing in the world is more beautifully dangerous than an electrical storm.

73. I have better than average reflexes. This isn't hubris; it's fact. The doctor told me so.

74. While I'm not afraid of anything but spiders, I'm a ridiculously jumpy person.

75. For someone who doesn't do too much girlie stuff, I love arts and crafts. I like making stuff with my own two hands. I like quilting, cross-stitching, making cloth wreaths, wall paint techniques, woodworking, that kind of thing.

76. I really, really don't like to cry. I do it as rarely as humanly possible.

77. I tend to keep most people at arms' length.

78. I can talk to perfect strangers as easily as to my friends.

79. My hair is a good 5 inches longer when I straighten it.

80. I love sleeping with my windows open. I love the smell of night.

81. I have so many books that I don't have enough shelves to unpack them all. I love books. I love reading. I love the written word.

82. Paper fascinates me. I love the weight, the texture, the sound, the sight. I love different sizes and colors. Lined and unlined. Newsprint and résumé quality. Typing paper and construction paper.

83. I worship classic cars. Mustangs, Chargers, Barracudas, Camaros, Corvettes, Novas, Chevelles.... Muscle. Rolling iron. Drool.

84. While I can quote entire scenes from movies I've only seen once, I have the maddening tendency to forget important things like anniversaries and birthdays and appointments.

85. I am not a touchy person. I don't like people who hug on first acquaintance. I don't kiss on the first date. Or the second, usually. I'm the friendliest person you'll come across, but keep your hands to yourself unless you're only offering a handshake.

86. Rain is quite possibly the most powerful aphrodisiac known to man. At least, in my humble opinion.

87. If you've never stood in the path of a herd of stampeding cattle with only a big stick for protection, you've never truly lived.

88. I think this is worse than one of those internet surveys. Ye gods.

89. While I don't particularly have a sweet tooth for candy or chocolate, I love sweet food. I like sweet barbeque sauce, sweet spaghetti sauce, just about anything teriyaki, sweet wine, etc.

90. I like watching other people play video games. I don't like playing much. While I'm pretty damn good at fight games (I particularly love playing DBZ Budokai, both 1 and 2), I suck at just about everything else.

91. I've been known to intentionally neglect my houseplants, hoping they'll die so I don't have to tend them anymore. Works great until Dave comes along and waters the damn things.

92. I don't like phones. I especially don't like my phone. I most especially don't like my phone ringing at 8:00 a.m. on a Saturday morning when I'm trying to sleep in.

93. As I know where I'm going when I die, I have no interest in extreme survivalism. I wouldn't start eating my fingers to keep from starving if I were trapped on a deserted island. I wouldn't give in to a rapist if he promised not to kill me. That kind of thing. However, I would live forever just to spite someone and screw up said someone's plans, so I pity the fool who takes me hostage for any reason.

94. I have never tried any illegal drugs, unless you count the time I got drunk before my 21st birthday. In fact, I've never even tried a prescription drug stronger than naproxen sodium.

95. I've broken both wrists, the tip off my elbow, my kneecap, countless fingers, and two toes.

96. I was in a school bus that rolled over at least twice, if not three times, down a ravine.

97. I have naturally good aim with a rifle. My dad used me to set his .22 sights several times. I can't take credit for this; I didn't practice it. It just is.

98. I still pray almost every night, a habit from childhood, and several times during the day. However, I cuss like a drunken sailor.

99. My youngest niece only truly recognizes me if I wear my hair in Indian-style braids with my black Chiefs hat.

100. Perfect vision is 20/20. Legally blind is 20/400. My vision at last count was 20/1000. I'm legally blind by 2 ½. Thank God for contacts, ne?


At 11:17 AM, Blogger none said...

My word! That's a lot of words, but I read every one of them and some twice. You are very interesting and certainly can write.
Great wit!

I would like you to post a pic of your tongue touching your nose! I tried that when reading your post, and my tongue only covers my top lip!


At 11:38 AM, Blogger Joely Sue Burkhart said...

HA! I think I knew most of those! Some of them applied to me, too. Ditto on feet. Isn't that weird? Maybe it's genetic. I can also touch my tongue to my nose as well as the bottom of my chin. I also like to take a toothpick and twirl it (vertically) inside my mouth without impaling said tongue.

At 2:06 PM, Blogger GutterBall said...

Heh. I won't post a perfectly nice, staged photo of myself. What in the world would possess me to post one with my tongue tapping the tip of my nose?? Ack!!

Thanks for the "great wit" comment, though. I needed that today!

And Sis, I think it MUST be genetic. Same with the tongue-nose touching thing. However, you couldn't pay me money to try the toothpick trick. I'll tie a knot in a cherry stem in under 6 seconds, but I don't like putting anything deadly but knives in my mouth!

At 3:07 PM, Blogger Dr. Pauly said...

This made me laugh:

53. I sometimes have dreams so real that I wake up with lingering, physical side effects.Good post!

At 3:53 PM, Blogger GutterBall said...

Heh, thanks man! Glad I was good for a chuckle!

I think that's my sovereign goal in life....

At 11:29 AM, Blogger The Lizard Queen said...

That was amazing, Gutterball! I had no idea you were so interesting!! And it took a lot of guts to not only write that but to post it in your blog.

Mayhaps, I'll have to give it a try someday though I doubt I could come up with anything half as interesting.

Seriously. My life is so BORING!

At 1:26 PM, Blogger GutterBall said...

Awww, come on, adored LQ! I know what your first one could be....

"1. I was once irretrievably traumatized and mentally scarred when a friend told me that all the world needed was a good anal raping to remove whatever the hell was clogging up the works."

HA! Now, who would say something awful like that?

At 7:51 PM, Blogger SoM said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 7:54 PM, Blogger username said...

Cute post!

At 12:02 PM, Anonymous Angela R. formerly of the HLF said...

Molly- this is great stuff! I don't know what (other than suffering from extreme boredom and curiosity on the same day)caused me to look up your blog, but today I realized that I really miss working with you! Your nuttiness has been an inspiration to me to emancipate my own inner nut. *hehehe* A million thanks!

At 5:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

98% of your 100 is exactly what I think or feel about things

At 1:22 PM, Blogger GutterBall said...

To Anonymous:

I'm hoping the hating feet thing is in that 98%. 'Cause feet are just gross.

At 11:37 PM, Blogger Crithosceleg said...

"71. I don't like feet. I think flip-flops should be outlawed."

Ouch, GB. Very ouch. I usually only wear flip-flops ;_;

"While I'm pretty damn good at fight games (I particularly love playing DBZ Budokai, both 1 and 2)"

Me, too, GB. We'll have to have a match up one day XD

(btw, have fun guessing who this is! >.>)

At 9:38 PM, Blogger GutterBall said...

Pssh. I know Rabies when I hear her. Besides, your own fanart gives you away, flip-flop-wearer!

At 10:25 PM, Blogger Crithosceleg said...

Bah! Thwarted again >.>

At 10:42 PM, Blogger Crush2773 said...


I was surprised but I knew several of the 100 things about you. It was very Funny and your a great writer. I really enjoyed it and look forward to reading more. One more thing, "Charlie"?? Was that your dogs name growing up? Just wondering...

Courtney Rush


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